What Now Then

Thinking alot these days about meaning and medicine and universal truths.

a friend of mine and his family are suffering deeply now as their 17 year old son lies in a coma for day number 17 after a 5-story fall while filming with friends in an abandoned building. i know the building. i work next to it; and i live next to the family. i am utterly conscious of them at all times. i am thankful for being conscious at all.

at first, after the accident, i took an alternate route because i just did not want to see the place and imagine that fall. my building is actually on the opposite end of the block - but the abandoned blighted building is on the corner where i turn to get onto that street on my way in every morning. so, i went around a different way for many days. then i decided that was defeatest and fueling the negatives at play trying to gain ground. plus that big ol thing wasn't stronger than a. or his family or the prayer warriors or me or the titanium rod that was placed along his spine today.

believe me i feel like an asshole when i think about and now here write about what i am going thru as a result of this event. because i am not going "thru" anything - but it all causes pause and reflection and my path once more has been put before me in the light.

i struggled with how and where to put my feelings/energy/prayers for them. my path is my own and not in sync with theirs as far as the narrative and cast of charactors go, anyway.

but what has been revealed...again to me... are some universal truths about compassion, service and intention.

my struggle was some confused but deep respect for the family and their overwhelming love and faith in jesus. i was raised catholic and am familiar with the church thing - so there was a part of me - out of respect for what was the strongest support system for them not me - wanting to direct my meditations/prayers in their house of worship and put mine in the wagon with all the christian prayer warriors crying out for them around the world (literally). I thought it shouldn't be about my comfort level it should be about getting out the plea for them in their way. its their son. their broken hearts. this isn't about me. so i prayed to jesus and the Creator every day and night and every time i thought about them. Prayed specifically intelligently, but in my way - kinda conversational, no bible, no references to similar historical burdons and miracles - just straight up "PLEASE!" - but i couldn't put myself in church. that seemed fake no matter how present and earnest i was.

what i went thru was somewhat distraught because, for days i wasn't connecting to my prayers the way i wanted to. i wasn't pleading my actual hardest for these loved ones because i felt disconnected. i was unhappy. days and nights were passing and i knew i wasn't doing all i could and that made me upset frustrated and confused. in an effort to give them the most within their system i ended up giving less because it wasn't meaningful to me.

so i started to look things up on line about the buddhist path i've embraced and the medicine buddha. i read all afternoon. followed every link. loved learning and loved all the information and images. i was looking for the basis and focus to put my mind and heart for the most benefit.

while looking around and reading i found a writing on the idea that if you are being drawn in to suffering to let that arise in you more compassion and to really go with and stay with that feeling for who might be suffering and for the millions more who suffer all the time. my friend, the father of the boy inthe coma, had just written at length about this very thing from the christian persepective on the new family blog set up as a vehicle to update everyone on his condition. at the time i was moved by his ability to so immediataly put his own crushing pain into such a selfless open hearted reminder: if it is the suffering of his family that has drawn me in then also i must be drawn in to the suffering of people everywhere and cry out for their relief too. in this desire for our friend's son to please wake up, we must all gain consciousness.

reading this beautiful and essential concept again, from the buddhist perspective, i am now moved by how much we have in common, and i get how he was able to so immediately reflect on this. it isnt separate. we are interdependant. this is undeniable.

but reading isn't practice. it was sunday afternoon and i knew the local sangha had their group meetings and meditation on sunday evenings. i decided i'd return to this sangha today ( i had only been intermittently since they formed) and see if i could ask some questions at an appropriate time.

when the student is ready the teacher appears.

it is a small group and tonight's program includes a beginning meditation and recitation ritual and then a discussion about a particular subject. it is good to sit. it is good to be in a peaceful place and i'm glad i;m there just for that refreshment. it is good.

then it is time for the discussion and the woman leading tonight is president of the center and she's brought some books that are relative to tonight's topic.

Medicine Buddha.

I am amazed. really wide open. listening now. at one point i tell everyone a very short version of this amazing thing and she says "oh you'll get used that."

she ends up lending me a great book that is a tremendous and foundational help when dealing with illness, trauma, death.

More seaching and i learned about the medicine buddha's physical charactoristics so i can work art into my mediations:

"Medicine Buddha is an enlightened being who has unbiased compassion for all living beings. He protects living beings from physical and mental sickness and other dangers and obstacles, and helps them to eradicate the three poisons-attachment, hatred and ignorance-which are the source of all sickness and danger. He is the Buddha Doctor".

"The Medicine Buddha or 'great king with the radiance of a lapis jewel' is the embodiment of all the Buddha's healing qualities. his right hand holds the myrobalan plant, containing all the best medicines. his right palm is outward, hand extended, over his right knee in the gesture called Supreme Generosity. "

"his left hand rests in his lap, palm upward, in the gesture of meditative stability or mediation, represents the eradication of sickness and suffering - samsara - through the realization of absolute truth. He holds a begging bowl - need for contentment - thofilled with medicinal fruit and nectars symbolizing his power to conquer diseases and delusions. "


his right hand is extended, palm outward, over his right knee in the gesture called supreme generosity.



I learned the Medicine Buddha Mantra.

Tayata *OM * bhekandzyai * bhekandzyai * maha * bhekandzyi * rondza * samugate * soha!


praise thus.

...and we ended the evening with this most important and powerful mantra for healing. on that night six people sat in a circle and said it 151 times.

Something connected with me and I connected with it and so it is how i discovered the strongest most powerful thing i can do for my friends in so much pain.

tayata om bhekandzyai bhekandzyai maha bhekandzyai rondza samugate soha!

and if by virtue of this meritorious act anything arises because i am doing this mantra may it also simply be my doing so having a multitudes effect for all sentient beings who suffer and need healing.

and so it was how i had the experience of absolute truth. of the universal that connects everything.
me to this truth.
to this buddha.
to this mantra the first i've ever learned.
to everything.
here there is continuity.

here there is so much pain,
but far more love.